On March 9, 2019, my grandmother asked me to come to the hospital because she needed help with my mother who was in the Emergency Room. When I arrived, I was told that my mother died.
The last two months have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Something not many people know is that my mother and I haven’t spoken since September of 2018 and her death was so sudden that I didn’t even get to say good bye or that I love her. Our last words to each other were spoken in anger.
I’ve been going to counseling and it has been helping. We talk about my difficult relationship with my mother and the uncertainness I am living in waiting for the autopsy to be completed with a cause of death. Then the realization that the cause of death might be because of an error that the hospital made and in the State of Florida, there is no recourse for the adult children of a parent killed by medical malpractice.
Also, since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to be completely honest. I have had a depression diagnosis since I was in 6th grade. In 2011, I was diagnosed with PTSD following being attacked by a client when I worked in a homeless shelter. In 2014, I was diagnosed with anxiety. Sometimes I have managed this illness and the diagnosis really well, other times I have not. I have been on medications and off of them. I have been in counseling and not. Somethings work and somethings don’t. What works for me, may not work for others.
I love my mom, and I miss her.